Category Archives: Integrity

The Church Speaks on SEX



Okay, I bet that headline got your attention!  This blog is actually a Book Review.  The book is entitled, “REAL MARRIAGE” ‘The Truth about Sex, Friendship & Life Together by Mark and Grace Driscoll.

In preparing for this post, I read a couple of other bloggers review on this book.  Where I truly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions concerning their likes and dislikes, it infuriates me for someone to render stark opinions about a book having not even cracked it open.

Let’s face it Pastor Mark Driscoll is known for being a loud mouth, pompous, crude, somewhat bully and an opinionated tyrant when it comes to addressing certain topics of discussion.  On the surface it appears nothing is off limits. He has earned the title of One of the 25 Most Influential Pastors some have called him the “Most Controversial preacher of the 21st Century.”

Although I don’t always agree with everything he says and I believe that he can be a loose cannon with his mouth, I do applaud him as being, at least , one of the ‘brave pastors’ who is willing to take certain subjects  dead on while other pastors promise to take them on but never really deliver.

I also believe that Driscoll is an effective teacher, evidenced by his 7000 member church (Mars  Hill Church). I must admit I was intrigued by all the fuss about his controversial book a on marriage and made a point to order it and was glad I did.

Here are a few reasons that I did like the book.

1)      Like Captain Kirk, he dared go where no other preacher would go addressing real issues frank and explicit – no coded terms in here.

2)      Driscoll shares the historical perspective of priest abstinence, sex for procreation only, birth control violations, etc. without drowning us in endless details.

3)      He addresses facts that Christians really want to know about but can’t get frank answers from the church because of fear.  Chapter 10 which is called, “Can We ______?” leaves no subject uncovered.

4)      His book does reference scripture, but does not waste the readers time filtering through scriptural rewrites with the exception of his interpretation of the Song of Solomon which he breaks down.

5)      Book size is manageable.  I like reading books that I can get through in a couple of days.

The first part of the book talks about friendship and marriage as well as a transparent view of  personal hang-ups and baggage both Mark and Grace brought into their marriage.  They offer practical suggestions how to communicate better with each other especially in the chapter called, “Friends with Benefits.”

The second part of the book deals with the subject of SEX. The chapter causing the most fireworks is chapter 10 which is called, “Can We _____?”  This addressed just about every issue from masturbation, oral sex to the use of toys, role playing and even cosmetic surgery.  I did like how they addressed each topic in this chapter addressing each topic According to God and According to Government laws by these three measurements:

1)      Is it Lawful?
2)      Is it Helpful?
3)      Is it Enslaving?

I must admit some things were a little hard to wrap your mind around, and some things I outright disagreed with, however,  I must say I am grateful that someone really decided to take this subject on in more of a direct way instead of beating around the bush using coded worded leaving their readers to guess what they are talking about.

Mark’s passion was that this book was designed to enrich marriages, get couples talking to one another again, to answer questions of what is permissible and to create greater intimacy.  He further added that if the church doesn’t address the questions because of fear, then members will attempt to get answers from unhealthy places.

What do you think about the video clip?  Have you read the book?  What sayeth you?

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Chick fil-A, Center of Public Debate


Whew!  The heat is certainly turned up on Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy’s stance to stand firm in their company’s position on the sanctity of traditional marriage. The restaurant chain has been, and continues to be, under a concerted attack from same-sex marriage advocates.

To add fuel to the blazing fire,  this stance in support of traditional values has now jeopardize the opening of stores  in Boston, Mass.  In fact, the Mayor, Thomas Menino claims he wont approve the license for the store to open.  In fact he says any company that speaks against gay rights in this country today should not have the opportunity to operate in the city of Boston.

As the video presents, the Mayor of Chicago (Rahm Emmanuel) states that, “Chick fil-A’s values are not Chicago’s values.”  What a thing to say.  It reminds me of the scripture that states we will have to give an account for every idle word.

ANOTHER INTERESTING FACT. In 2009, just three short years ago, Forbes.com, Chicago was rated the 3rd worst city in the nation and appeared on America’s Most Miserable City list.  Why? Lousy weather, long commutes, rising unemployment, the highest sales tax rate in the country AND corruption by public officials.  Go figure!!   Ummm…  say that again Mr. Emmanuel …. you know the statement about ‘Chicago’ values…..

Seems to me Chicago could benefit from a Chick fil-A being on every corner.

To both of these men learn the words, “No comment.” At least commit to “LESS” is better.

I  think it is important to note that Chick fil-A stores are operated by franchise owners whose investments are now in jeopardy. So the fight unfortunately does not only impact the Cathys, but any entrepreneur who is opening up their own Chick fil-A.  How fair is that?

BUT THERE ARE CHX SUPPORTERS: Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has called for a National Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day on Wednesday, August 1, to demonstrate support for the company.  Click on the link above to read Huckabee’s remarks regarding this debate.

What sayeth you?

7 Steps to Protect You from Credit Card Fraud


This information comes from an attorney’s whose wallet was stolen.  He writes this warning to his employees. Because he was not prepared, the thieves, within the week, ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from the DMV to change his driving record information online, just to start . . . .

Here is some FREE Legal Advice . . .

1. DO NOT SIGN BACK OF YOUR CREDIT CARDS. Instead, put ‘Photo ID Required.’

2. When you are writing checks to pay on your Credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the ‘For’ line. Instead, just put the last four numbers.  The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won’t have access to it.

3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. NEVER have your SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have it printed, anyone can get it.

4. COPY THE CONTENTS of your WALLET.  Copy both sides of your license, credit card, etc. If your wallet has been stolen CANCEL your credit cards  immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. This is NOT the time to be running around guessing where to find your information so you can make the numerous calls. Keep the copies in a safe place.

5.  File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

6.  Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name. Equifax: 1-800-525-6285, Experian 1-888-397-3742,  Trans Union : 1-800-680 7289

7. Call the Social Security fraud alert number. 1-800-269-0271   The attorney stated “I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name.”  The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

BONUS: Keep a copy of your passport on you when you travel abroad. We’ve all heard horror stories about fraud that’s committed on US citizens in stealing passports, names, addresses, Social Security Numbers, credit cards, etc.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Did you find this post useful?  If so, give us a shot out and by all means share it with someone you care about. Pastors and ministry leaders please pass onto your congregation.  Identity theft and fraud is so common place today.

Pastor’s Robe: To Wear or No To Wear


Dr. James Kennedy late Pastor of Corner Ridge Presbyterian Church in Florida mostly pastored in his clergy robe

Clergy Clothing – Clergy Calling. Are there any pastors who are still wearing their traditional clergy robes anymore? I like to look at the morning line up of ministries on my cable TV station and I see more pastors in suits, dress slacks with shirts, a jacket with jeans and even imprinted t-shirts and jeans. This usually doesn’t bother me because most of the time I am focused on the Word. But the truth is, there are times when I am distracted. Joyce Meyer, who I respect very much, sometimes wears trendy, non-flattering casual wear with youthful accessories on stage. Face it, leopard print is not her thing! Bishop Eddie Long, another gifted pastor, with his muscular appearance often wears tight t-shirts accented with a vest and dress slacks. The entire time I view him I am thinking if he holds his breath, he will bust every stitch on his shirt just like the ‘Incredible Hulk.’ Pastor Paula White, a very attractive pastor with a nice shape often wears designer and very flattering attire. The fact is I like to tune in not only to hear what she has to say, for she is another gifted pastor, but also to see what she has on. And some times I think, “Are you a pastor or are you a fashion model?” Can one be both? Hmmm??? I notice those who wear t-shirts or regular collard shirts with jeans congregations are filled with young people.

I read an article the other day on, “Why Does the Pastor Wear Robes?” by Rev. Jeffrey J. Meyers. Although I considered myself to be very liberal on the subject of casual attire, I must say that Rev. Meyers did cause me to ponder some things. I want to highlight a few of his points.

1. The robe serves to hide the personality of the man and highlight his special calling.

2. People long to be able to place some kind of secondary confidence in the office of the pastor.

3. Doctors, nurses, judges, firemen, policemen and even mechanics wear uniforms. People want them to wear something distinctive that reminds them of their expertise or calling.

4. The uniform reminds us of his training, commitment and befits their calling.

5. Sometimes it’s hard to be led in worship by a pastor who is a good friend or a peer or a person who is younger. Robes help us to get over these feelings. It helps us to remember that it is not just my home boy up there; rather, it is God’s appointed minister leading us into God’s presence and speaking God’s Word to us.” The service is not conducted by the person, but by the robe of office which the person happens to be filling at the current time. We submit to the office, not to the man, during worship.

6. The robe adds dignity and reverence to our services.

7. The pastor does not act for himself, but for Christ. A judge or a policeman wears a uniform because he does not act for himself. He is under orders. He represents the law and government of the county, city, or state in which he serves. In the same way, a minister represents the law and government of another kingdom. The clothing he wears testifies to this.

As I reviewed Rev. Meyers’ case for pastors to be in robes, I thought about the fact that putting on a robe not only serves to benefit others, but also serves to remind us of the sacred call on our lives.

In the time of so much temptation, traps of the enemy and

What about at least a priestly collar?

 pastor’s  indiscretions, should we give more attention to how others see us in terms of our attire? Hmmm???

DayStar Pastor Admits Marriage Still Worth Fighting For Even After an Affair!


In the days of modern technology one thing is for sure and that is you bettercover all of your bases.  Because every cell phone has a camera or a video recorder and before you know it your business is everywhere and opportunists are everywhere.  Why do I say this?  Because pastors and  ministers haven’t just begun to be unfaithful.  It is not so much that the frequency has increased, but now it’s now more public than ever before, especially in light of the availability of technology.  It is the same with world disasters such as massive earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes and tsunami’s. They have always existed, but now we can see the devastation up close and personal or even in ‘real-time;’ it just like being there.

Marcus and Joni Lamb, founders of DayStar Christian television are now under scrutiny because of an indiscretion (an affair)  that Marcus had years ago.  Some previous employees intended to black mail them for millions  in exchange for their silence.  The Lambs decided to come public with the story themselves and focused on restoration of the covenant after betrayal. They even appeared on Dr. Phil’s show to discuss the fact that marriage is worth fighting for.  Take a look at the video.

Til Death Do Us Part

We tend to put pastors on such a pedestal as if they will never fall  or fail.  And when they do, we are the first to crucify them and condemn them.   But the truth is they are like any of us – subject to fall and subject to the same traps of the enemy.  We say they should know better, (and really they should) but the truth is that even pastors can fool themselves by taking chances they ought not take.  Another topic I would like to take on is Pastor’s Pride issues.  Knowing this, I believe that those in ministry especially, need to put safeguards in place to lesson the chance of them falling prey to one of Satan’s oldest tricks.  Do you think the average pastor is willing to set pride aside and listen to some good ole feedback and advisement?

What do you think?  What sort of safeguards do you think they need to put in place?

Separation of Church and Facebook


Is  Facebook really a tool used to break up marriages? hmm…..  Leaders, especially, Do you know your boundaries.  Better yet, are you honoring your boundaries?

The Rev. Cedric Miller of Living Word Christian Fellowship Church, out of New Jersey has mandated that All of his ‘married’ church leaders get off of Facebook now.  Simply put, because the temptation to be unfaithful is much too great.  Evidently, there are people who have innocently befriended old flames – just to see how they are doing and to keep in touch.  The problem has been it does not stop as mere words across a page, but inevitably leads to meet me for coffees, etc.

In the wake of Facebook, Miller claims that he has had a significant increase of marital troubles in his church.  He is requiring that all of his married church leaders get off Facebook, giving them until Sunday to do so or they will be forced to resign their positions at the church.

Not only has Pastor Miller identified this as a problem, but Pastor Kerry Shook of Woodlands Church, megachurch out of Texas has also had problems with wake of Facebook. In fact, on one such occasion, it resulted in the end of a marriage.

Miller does plan to address his congregation on the ills and dangers of Facebook, however, the mandate to delete one’s account won’t apply to the congregation.

Many may see Pastor Miller’s management role as very controlling; however, he asserts that he is more concerned about saving families and marriages.