Category Archives: Marriage

The Church Speaks on SEX



Okay, I bet that headline got your attention!  This blog is actually a Book Review.  The book is entitled, “REAL MARRIAGE” ‘The Truth about Sex, Friendship & Life Together by Mark and Grace Driscoll.

In preparing for this post, I read a couple of other bloggers review on this book.  Where I truly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions concerning their likes and dislikes, it infuriates me for someone to render stark opinions about a book having not even cracked it open.

Let’s face it Pastor Mark Driscoll is known for being a loud mouth, pompous, crude, somewhat bully and an opinionated tyrant when it comes to addressing certain topics of discussion.  On the surface it appears nothing is off limits. He has earned the title of One of the 25 Most Influential Pastors some have called him the “Most Controversial preacher of the 21st Century.”

Although I don’t always agree with everything he says and I believe that he can be a loose cannon with his mouth, I do applaud him as being, at least , one of the ‘brave pastors’ who is willing to take certain subjects  dead on while other pastors promise to take them on but never really deliver.

I also believe that Driscoll is an effective teacher, evidenced by his 7000 member church (Mars  Hill Church). I must admit I was intrigued by all the fuss about his controversial book a on marriage and made a point to order it and was glad I did.

Here are a few reasons that I did like the book.

1)      Like Captain Kirk, he dared go where no other preacher would go addressing real issues frank and explicit – no coded terms in here.

2)      Driscoll shares the historical perspective of priest abstinence, sex for procreation only, birth control violations, etc. without drowning us in endless details.

3)      He addresses facts that Christians really want to know about but can’t get frank answers from the church because of fear.  Chapter 10 which is called, “Can We ______?” leaves no subject uncovered.

4)      His book does reference scripture, but does not waste the readers time filtering through scriptural rewrites with the exception of his interpretation of the Song of Solomon which he breaks down.

5)      Book size is manageable.  I like reading books that I can get through in a couple of days.

The first part of the book talks about friendship and marriage as well as a transparent view of  personal hang-ups and baggage both Mark and Grace brought into their marriage.  They offer practical suggestions how to communicate better with each other especially in the chapter called, “Friends with Benefits.”

The second part of the book deals with the subject of SEX. The chapter causing the most fireworks is chapter 10 which is called, “Can We _____?”  This addressed just about every issue from masturbation, oral sex to the use of toys, role playing and even cosmetic surgery.  I did like how they addressed each topic in this chapter addressing each topic According to God and According to Government laws by these three measurements:

1)      Is it Lawful?
2)      Is it Helpful?
3)      Is it Enslaving?

I must admit some things were a little hard to wrap your mind around, and some things I outright disagreed with, however,  I must say I am grateful that someone really decided to take this subject on in more of a direct way instead of beating around the bush using coded worded leaving their readers to guess what they are talking about.

Mark’s passion was that this book was designed to enrich marriages, get couples talking to one another again, to answer questions of what is permissible and to create greater intimacy.  He further added that if the church doesn’t address the questions because of fear, then members will attempt to get answers from unhealthy places.

What do you think about the video clip?  Have you read the book?  What sayeth you?

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DayStar Pastor Admits Marriage Still Worth Fighting For Even After an Affair!


In the days of modern technology one thing is for sure and that is you bettercover all of your bases.  Because every cell phone has a camera or a video recorder and before you know it your business is everywhere and opportunists are everywhere.  Why do I say this?  Because pastors and  ministers haven’t just begun to be unfaithful.  It is not so much that the frequency has increased, but now it’s now more public than ever before, especially in light of the availability of technology.  It is the same with world disasters such as massive earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes and tsunami’s. They have always existed, but now we can see the devastation up close and personal or even in ‘real-time;’ it just like being there.

Marcus and Joni Lamb, founders of DayStar Christian television are now under scrutiny because of an indiscretion (an affair)  that Marcus had years ago.  Some previous employees intended to black mail them for millions  in exchange for their silence.  The Lambs decided to come public with the story themselves and focused on restoration of the covenant after betrayal. They even appeared on Dr. Phil’s show to discuss the fact that marriage is worth fighting for.  Take a look at the video.

Til Death Do Us Part

We tend to put pastors on such a pedestal as if they will never fall  or fail.  And when they do, we are the first to crucify them and condemn them.   But the truth is they are like any of us – subject to fall and subject to the same traps of the enemy.  We say they should know better, (and really they should) but the truth is that even pastors can fool themselves by taking chances they ought not take.  Another topic I would like to take on is Pastor’s Pride issues.  Knowing this, I believe that those in ministry especially, need to put safeguards in place to lesson the chance of them falling prey to one of Satan’s oldest tricks.  Do you think the average pastor is willing to set pride aside and listen to some good ole feedback and advisement?

What do you think?  What sort of safeguards do you think they need to put in place?

Separation of Church and Facebook


Is  Facebook really a tool used to break up marriages? hmm…..  Leaders, especially, Do you know your boundaries.  Better yet, are you honoring your boundaries?

The Rev. Cedric Miller of Living Word Christian Fellowship Church, out of New Jersey has mandated that All of his ‘married’ church leaders get off of Facebook now.  Simply put, because the temptation to be unfaithful is much too great.  Evidently, there are people who have innocently befriended old flames – just to see how they are doing and to keep in touch.  The problem has been it does not stop as mere words across a page, but inevitably leads to meet me for coffees, etc.

In the wake of Facebook, Miller claims that he has had a significant increase of marital troubles in his church.  He is requiring that all of his married church leaders get off Facebook, giving them until Sunday to do so or they will be forced to resign their positions at the church.

Not only has Pastor Miller identified this as a problem, but Pastor Kerry Shook of Woodlands Church, megachurch out of Texas has also had problems with wake of Facebook. In fact, on one such occasion, it resulted in the end of a marriage.

Miller does plan to address his congregation on the ills and dangers of Facebook, however, the mandate to delete one’s account won’t apply to the congregation.

Many may see Pastor Miller’s management role as very controlling; however, he asserts that he is more concerned about saving families and marriages.