Category Archives: Sex

The Church Speaks on SEX

Okay, I bet that headline got your attention!  This blog is actually a Book Review.  The book is entitled, “REAL MARRIAGE” ‘The Truth about Sex, Friendship & Life Together by Mark and Grace Driscoll.

In preparing for this post, I read a couple of other bloggers review on this book.  Where I truly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions concerning their likes and dislikes, it infuriates me for someone to render stark opinions about a book having not even cracked it open.

Let’s face it Pastor Mark Driscoll is known for being a loud mouth, pompous, crude, somewhat bully and an opinionated tyrant when it comes to addressing certain topics of discussion.  On the surface it appears nothing is off limits. He has earned the title of One of the 25 Most Influential Pastors some have called him the “Most Controversial preacher of the 21st Century.”

Although I don’t always agree with everything he says and I believe that he can be a loose cannon with his mouth, I do applaud him as being, at least , one of the ‘brave pastors’ who is willing to take certain subjects  dead on while other pastors promise to take them on but never really deliver.

I also believe that Driscoll is an effective teacher, evidenced by his 7000 member church (Mars  Hill Church). I must admit I was intrigued by all the fuss about his controversial book a on marriage and made a point to order it and was glad I did.

Here are a few reasons that I did like the book.

1)      Like Captain Kirk, he dared go where no other preacher would go addressing real issues frank and explicit – no coded terms in here.

2)      Driscoll shares the historical perspective of priest abstinence, sex for procreation only, birth control violations, etc. without drowning us in endless details.

3)      He addresses facts that Christians really want to know about but can’t get frank answers from the church because of fear.  Chapter 10 which is called, “Can We ______?” leaves no subject uncovered.

4)      His book does reference scripture, but does not waste the readers time filtering through scriptural rewrites with the exception of his interpretation of the Song of Solomon which he breaks down.

5)      Book size is manageable.  I like reading books that I can get through in a couple of days.

The first part of the book talks about friendship and marriage as well as a transparent view of  personal hang-ups and baggage both Mark and Grace brought into their marriage.  They offer practical suggestions how to communicate better with each other especially in the chapter called, “Friends with Benefits.”

The second part of the book deals with the subject of SEX. The chapter causing the most fireworks is chapter 10 which is called, “Can We _____?”  This addressed just about every issue from masturbation, oral sex to the use of toys, role playing and even cosmetic surgery.  I did like how they addressed each topic in this chapter addressing each topic According to God and According to Government laws by these three measurements:

1)      Is it Lawful?
2)      Is it Helpful?
3)      Is it Enslaving?

I must admit some things were a little hard to wrap your mind around, and some things I outright disagreed with, however,  I must say I am grateful that someone really decided to take this subject on in more of a direct way instead of beating around the bush using coded worded leaving their readers to guess what they are talking about.

Mark’s passion was that this book was designed to enrich marriages, get couples talking to one another again, to answer questions of what is permissible and to create greater intimacy.  He further added that if the church doesn’t address the questions because of fear, then members will attempt to get answers from unhealthy places.

What do you think about the video clip?  Have you read the book?  What sayeth you?


Chick-fil-A says “NO” to Gay Marriage

FUNNY HOW . . .  a company that is known for its chicken, office supplies, lawn furniture or housing supplies  finds themselves interviewed about their stance on a controversial subject like whether they support ‘gay’ marriage.

Evidently, Dan Cathy the son of  Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A restaurant confirmed the company’s commitment to ‘traditional’ values – the biblical definition of traditional marriage between a man and a woman.  Everyone is well aware that the Chick-fil-A restaurant is NOT open on Sundays honoring this day as the ‘Sabbath’ Day.  And in spite of its competition, they continue to gross profits, open up new stores across the nation and are loved by most.

It is NO SURPRISE to me and neither should it be to anyone to hear their position on Gay Marriages.  However, because they have openly made this stance, the Internet has gone viral in vehement speech against the company and its position.  Many people, in particular, gay activist have threatened to boycott the restaurant in an effort to either get them to change their minds or to force them out of business.  Chick-fil-A has now been labeled “Gay Haters.”

Chick-fil-A has had to deal with outrage over their biblical stances before yet it had not deterred them from standing for truth as they see it.  Regarding them hating gays, Don Perry, spokesman for Chick-fil-A states that their tradition is to treat every person with honor, dignity and respect — regardless of belief, creed and sexual orientation. Perry also states, “We will continue this tradition in the over 1,600 restaurants run by independent Owner/Operators. Going forward, our intent is to leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the government and political arena.”

MY 2-CENTS. Gay marriages and the homosexual lifestyle has certainly been one of our most heated debates.  Although, I know there are professing Christians who are strongly against this life style, are rude, non tolerant, abusive, offensive, arrogant, and even hateful, I don’t believe that is the stance of most Christians and I don’t believe that is the stance of Chick-fil-A.  I believe we can agree to disagree with a certain lifestyle, and certain privilege in accordance to what we believe is the Bible’s stance on the subject without having to assume the title of a “Gay Hater.”

Although there are certainly more scriptures on the topic, two scriptures that  leave me wondering about basic truths and how they can be redefined include the following:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 – “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Romans 1:26-27 – “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”

QUESTIONS: How do you reconcile these two scriptures? Should one really be called a ‘hater’ in standing up for what they believe truth to be?   In terms of supporters . . .  What if they are wrong???  Hmmm…….

Creative Worship – How Far is too Far?

I had an opportunity to hear a pastor’s panel and debate the other day.  The topic dealt with ‘Creative Worship;’ just how far is too far?”  With the use of video, props, illustrations, secular music and the like, how do we know when we have pushed that envelope right off the table?  Beds on the stage, people in beds on the stage, cars on the stage, secular R-rated video clips shown –all to bring a relevant word – but have we gone too far?  hmmm…..

As I ponder, I think about the basics of our faith.  Jesus told us to go out, make disciples, baptize people in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and told us to teach… Invite Jesus into your heart as your Lord and Savior.

It really gets me when I see pastors who have brought five people into profession of faith in a calendar year, but complain about the ‘movers and shakers’ who are bringing in hundreds per year. 

 Their charge: 

  • They are entertainment based.  It’s like going to a concert every week.
  • Lights, camera, ACTION. 
  • They do not revere the Lord.
  • Nothing’s sacred. 
  • They have a ‘feel good ministry.’ 
  • They don’t talk about SIN. 
  • They are showy and want to be seen. 
  • They exploit their congregations.
  • They are sending their followers to hell.

    One pastor responded this way. “It seems to me that the real issue is to complain about those pastors who seem to have it going on.  At least these pastors are doing SOMETHING.  Shouldn’t we be hearing some complaints about the pastors who are doing NOTHING?”  To make matters worse these pastors are boasting in their NOTHINGNESS.

    Good point.  I personally believe we pastors respond this way because of two motivations:

    1. We are jealous that we are not seeing the results that these other pastors are seeing.
    2. We make these charges to justify us playing it safe, not raising the bar and to maintain our own comfortable way of doing things.

    "Some times to win souls, we need to push the envelope a little"

    Although I do think that there are pastors that may take things too far – especially in their sermons dealing with sexuality, I think a greater charge is to those pastors who are not going far enough.

    Surveys report that ninety (90%) of people learn better by visuals.  So pastors I implore you – Show them something!  Allow your lay ministers (deacons or staff) to help you flush out an idea or two especially if you are suffering from a sort of spiritual constipation. You have got to ‘STEP UP YOUR METAPHORICAL GAME!’

    Challenge: The next time you’re talking about Adam and Eve at least show your congregation a piece of fruit!

    The next time you are tempted to complain about a mover and shaker that seems to be producing results ask yourself first. . .

    “Could I be doing more?”

    Hot New Workout class: Pole Dancing For Jesus??

    Pole Dancing (Pole FITNESS) for Jesus?

    If I was your psychiatrist and said to you, “What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say the words, ‘Pole Dancing’?”  I am sure you are not picturing all things Holy.’ If I further asked you “What comes to mind when I say, ‘Pole Dancing for Jesus’?” You are probably thinking the ultimate sacrilege [gross irreverence, blasphemy, disrespect].  I must admit this was my first thought as I saw the local news reporter sharing this story about a woman named, ‘Crystal Dean’ from Texas who was offering pole dancing lessons for Christian Women.

    At first, I thought she wanted to teach married Christian women how to spice up their love life, but as I listened on, this dance instructor asserted that it was a great form of exercise for women. The dance class music includes “upbeat contemporary Christian music”.  Dean states that she is a devout Christian.  She attends church every Sunday.  She prays and has a relationship with the Lord.  She states she knows people have a problem with her and that’s okay, but the Lord does not.  Dean stated that she does not teach women to strip and explains that the class was designed to help women get into shape, to help women have a positive self-image and to celebrate the body God gave them.  Dean further states that she is hoping to remove the negative stigma attached to pole dancing. Her classes are free, she just asks that the women bring in a church bulletin.

    Have we gone too far??  Could Dean have given it another name of a less sleazy frame of reference?

    Some interesting facts about pole dancing

    Legend 1: Pole dancing was said to have been originated as far back as the 12th century as a pagan fertility dance.  

    Legend 2:   (Where all the stripping came from) Pole dancing roots can be traced back to ancient Sumerian times where a mythical goddess named Innana was known to have descended to Hades to find her lover Damouz.  At each of the seven gates of Hades, she removed a veil and a jewel.  The earth was barren for as long as Innana remained there but when she returned, the earth was fruitful and abundant again.

    Do you remember the story with John the Baptist being beheaded? It is said that Innana’s dance lived on as the famous dance of the seven veils of Salome who dance for King Herod.  

    What is Pole Dancing? It’s a form of performing arts combining dancing and gymnastics, involving a vertical pole. These athletic moves include: climbs, spins, and body inversions. Upper body and core strength are important to proficiency, which takes time to develop. 

    3 Categories of pole dancing include:  

    Exotic Pole Dancing – usually performed by women who dress provocatively for male entertainment.  This type of entertainment is mostly found in gentlemen’s clubs, strip clubs and is also accompanied by strip teasing, Go-Go and lap dancing. Originated in the 1980s from the strip clubs and girlie bars in Canada, of all places.

    Pole Fitness – these are classes conducted for women in private studios or gym and the instructors are highly skilled and trained. Pole is used as a way to get fit and feel good.

    Pole Sport – this is the competitive side of pole. The women and men involved in this category compete around the world. They display incredible amounts of athleticism, strength, flexibility, and control in their routines. Cirque du Solei have used Chinese pole acts. The first type of pole related fitness dated back to the 12th century in India with the art of Mallakhamb (meaning “man of power” or “Gymnastics pole”).

    Did You Know . . .

    • The U.S. Pole Dance Federation (USPDF) exists?
    • The Pole Fitness Association (PFA) exists?
    • The U.S. Pole Dancing Championships exists?
    • They are trying diligently to get Pole Dancing (Pole Fitness) to be a part of the Olympics as a competitive sport?  Of course it will not include nudity or strip teasing!  Is this really so far fetched when we have the balance beam, the uneven bars and the vault? hmmmm

    Your Thoughts on the subject?  Is Pole Fitness for Jesus more acceptable than Pole Dancing for Jesus??

    Special Christmas Service in 3-D?

    Pastor Ed Young of Fellowship Church is making headlines again as he has been promoting his 1st ever 3-D Christmas service.  Young has a church out of Texas with more than 20,000 weekend attendees and has built a reputation for creative worship services.  The plan is to hand out to each person attending a pair of 3-D Glasses in order to view the high tech service.

    A few years ago he got the attention and appeared on ABC/CBS TV Network promoting his  “7-Day Sex Challenge” for all of his married folk in church.  He maintained that one of the main issues in the average marriage is that they are just not having enough sex. If you want to read more on that article click here.

    The question here is  – – is the 3-D service with the glasses over the top? Some would argue that all of this creativity is diminishing the sacredness of  the church experience and that it is more about entertaining people.  What’s your thoughts? 

    I have one of Ed Young’s books entitled, “The Creative Leader.” It is actually really good.  In a day where the average person is dealing with multiple distractions, the church has got to keep up and many innovative pastors believe that they must somewhat compete with those distractions.  The truth is people are leaving the church by the droves for a number of reasons.  Boredom and no relevance to individual needs are listed on the top of the list.  It is a challenge for every senior pastor to address these concerns head on.  Before I would dismiss Young’s initiative in addressing congregational needs, I would first have to ask myself, ‘is he addressing the basics of our faith:  Jesus is Lord, He died, He rose, is  He preaching Jesus, does he deal with sin, etc.??’  If the answer to these questions are ‘yes’ and ‘amen’ then I say let the creative juices flow!

    That’s just my -cents.  What’s yours? Perhaps you can give me some more insight into the dangers of being too creative.

    DayStar Pastor Admits Marriage Still Worth Fighting For Even After an Affair!

    In the days of modern technology one thing is for sure and that is you bettercover all of your bases.  Because every cell phone has a camera or a video recorder and before you know it your business is everywhere and opportunists are everywhere.  Why do I say this?  Because pastors and  ministers haven’t just begun to be unfaithful.  It is not so much that the frequency has increased, but now it’s now more public than ever before, especially in light of the availability of technology.  It is the same with world disasters such as massive earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes and tsunami’s. They have always existed, but now we can see the devastation up close and personal or even in ‘real-time;’ it just like being there.

    Marcus and Joni Lamb, founders of DayStar Christian television are now under scrutiny because of an indiscretion (an affair)  that Marcus had years ago.  Some previous employees intended to black mail them for millions  in exchange for their silence.  The Lambs decided to come public with the story themselves and focused on restoration of the covenant after betrayal. They even appeared on Dr. Phil’s show to discuss the fact that marriage is worth fighting for.  Take a look at the video.

    Til Death Do Us Part

    We tend to put pastors on such a pedestal as if they will never fall  or fail.  And when they do, we are the first to crucify them and condemn them.   But the truth is they are like any of us – subject to fall and subject to the same traps of the enemy.  We say they should know better, (and really they should) but the truth is that even pastors can fool themselves by taking chances they ought not take.  Another topic I would like to take on is Pastor’s Pride issues.  Knowing this, I believe that those in ministry especially, need to put safeguards in place to lesson the chance of them falling prey to one of Satan’s oldest tricks.  Do you think the average pastor is willing to set pride aside and listen to some good ole feedback and advisement?

    What do you think?  What sort of safeguards do you think they need to put in place?

    But What if He is Innocent? – Bishop Eddie Long

    I heard the news too when they said Bishop Eddie Long was charged with two, no three, no, four 4 cases of sexual misconduct.  Let’s face it; we want Bishop Eddie Long to be innocent of all the charges if for no other reason it makes the ‘church’ as a whole look bad.  I saw on that Long responded to the allegations stating that yes he did take these young men on trips, lavish them with gifts, helped them financially and on occasion shared hotel rooms, but he asserts that he is innocent of the charges.

    There was a protest led in Atlanta, Georgia led by Prophet H. Walker of True Light Pentecostal Church in Spartanburg, South Carolina who is demanding that Long be sat down as Pastor of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church.  Another participant in this rally was Reuben Armstrong, author of Snakes in the Pulpit. It seems these men have already acted as judge and jury and have found Long guilty of all charges.

    I heard and saw the video of the protest.  There seems to be lots of negative press about the fact that Long preaches in a mega church, he wears these muscle shirts which outlines his physical form, his Rolex and other expensive jewelry and if that weren’t bad enough, he drives around in a $350,000 Bentley car.  The truth is there is a percentage of “haters” that can’t stand pastors of mega churches especially those who display their wealth.

    My question is.. “But what if Long is really innocent?”  None of us were there.  Is it reasonable to say out of 25,000 people there are a few opportunist, some mentally imbalanced individuals or vengeful people in the midst?  Did God speak to the prophet  Walker to show Long’s guilt like the prophet Nathan called out King David’s adultery offense?  The truth is, time will tell.  Until then my lips are closed as I do not wish to heap curses upon my life . . . ‘touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm.’